All who like kissing, pay attention! In some parts of the work, kisses are as normal as an American handshake…and it isn’t only amongst “them silly youth”. In Mexico, everyday greetings are sealed with a single kiss to the cheek. “Hola!” says ones, with a kiss; “Qué tal!” says the other, with a kiss in return. In Roman times, kisses in greeting were even more-ahem-explicit: a kiss to the mouth betwixt friends of equal rank was the status quo. Redditors say: eew!

Though those Romans might have had something going, culture has its swings. In fact, kisses were, for a time, a bit of a sin. Yuk. Imagine that: kissing a sin! Good word, then, media must sin with the best of ‘em. Ha!

So picture perfect that it’s plastic — like a politician! The Kodak Moment greeting happens when the person you wish to greet notices your approach, stops, poises, and awaits. Yes, awaits you, hands on hips like a triumphant Napoleon or Washington, or soon-to-be-ousted shady CEO, for you must walk… to them.

If Kodak had selected a picture-perfect post, this would be it. GQ models, shudder. Dishonest politicians, take note! This is your model.

Rad! This greeting happens when two people mutually understand how to move their hands and bodies in unison so as to signify membership in the same subculture or group. Unlike other greets, we can trace the origin of this guy. Specifically, the term (and practice) of giving dap (or “Known Secret Handshake”) originated during the Vietnam war as a way for soldiers to signify their solidarity. 

Nowadays, it’s definitely an act of solidarity for your own little subgroup to have its own dap handshake. World leaders have them. How about you? Don’t have one yet? Get on the dap train! Invent and spread your known secret handshake today! 

Go away! Scram! Be gone! The unwanted greeting is the greeting given to the busy, distracted or otherwise focused person. Imagine trying to greet a neurosurgeon while she’s operating on little Timmy’s prefrontal cortex, or a nuclear submarine driver while they are steering through a narrow trench to confound their frenemy.

The greeter, nonetheless, greets the neurosurgeon, which distracts her from her work. Little Timmy wakes up with the ability to smell colors. And, this greeter, despite the situation, greets the sub driver. The driver falters, and the submarine accidentally enters Captain Nemo’s cave.

Yes, this is an unwanted greeting given at the most inopportune time. Sometimes, the outcome is detrimental… and sometimes, one might find gold!

A greeting in which both the greeter and greeted would rate the quality of their as greeting “nice” on a scale of one to five, with one as “omg bodily repulsive” and five as “why I live, breathe and write passionate, but poor poetry about red roses”. My 8th grade English teacher railed against the word “nice” for, in her opinion, it expressed nothing of descriptive value. I agree!

Full of passionate hope, a greeter seeks acknowledgement by a greetee. The greeter makes wide-eyed contact and gives the kind of hopeful expression a child might use when seeing Bambi, a shiny toy on the shelf of a store, or a jelly donut. But it’s not to be, for despite eye contact, the greetee distinctly turns their back in such a way to deny further communication.

“Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear / No one comes near”

Wow. Rejection and loneliness are a terrible; so state Cacioppo et al (2009) by writing that “[t]he health, life, and genetic legacy of members of social species are threatened when they finds themselves on the social perimeter.” In fact, rejection and loneliness lead to both emotional and physical pain which, in turn, can have a significant detrimental impact on how individuals perform on a variety of tasks. Including life, for lonely individuals don’t live quite as long (Luo et al, 2012).

Coping mechanisms? Let’s start with the meanie who turned their back. “You! Yes, you! Stand still laddy… ” and be a charitable fellow! Next time, say hi. Rejected person, what do you do? If the fellow isn’t charitable, make like a presidential candidate and kick ’em in the behind. Or don’t, because that would require stooping very  low indeed. But, do buck up and find better friends.